Debt and Peace

I've been crazy determined on getting rid of debt this year. Sometimes I become obsessed with this goal, it's really ridiculous. It's not that I love money, I hate it and I just want to be free of it's chains. Sometimes I wish I had never gone to school and incurred school debt...but either way it's there and I am making progress. I just need to find peace on this issue. Reading the news about the economy and depressing
job market doesn't help.

Hebrews 13:5&6
"Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have because God has said, "Never will I leave you: never will I forsake you." So we say with confidence the Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"

I've really been putting my financial goals front and center as opposed to trusting God and letting the rest follow.

Matthew 6:31-33
“Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ “For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Home

When the days are long, and the thunder with the storm, can always get me crying
You can make my bed, I'll fall into it, shattered but not lonely
Because I never knew a home, until I found your hands, when I'm weathered
You come to me, you're my best friend

And that is why we'll always make it

When you go to work all the day I wait
For you to come home, recount our time, in our little place

-Excerpts from "My Favourite Book" by STARS.

A Love Letter of Sorts

Joel-é,
I have always been so capable, independent and self sufficient. It never occurred to me that one day I would have to learn to "let" someone take care of me. No one has ever wanted to take care of me without instilling in me some sort of indebtedness. As if every nice thing they've done for me was only done because they wanted something in return. You love me for me, you do not demand I do this or that or be a certain way. Your love does not manipulate, it accepts.

You said to me once, that you believe a person wants to be deeply known and I was skeptical. Did I want to be truely known? At the time I wasn't sure because the possibilities of that scared me. I think the phrase should be finished as such: "Everyone wants to be known deeply and accepted."

You are continually teaching me more about what it means to love. Everyday and interaction I have with you is a chance to treat you like you are meant to be treated; meant to be loved.

I know love is not merely a feeling, it's that unconditional acceptance and so much more I'm not able to articulate just yet. I'm still learning about this love thing, but I'm willing to learn and love with you.

Love,

-K

"Your a man humble as a hope"

Dear Joel-A,

We're a better team than Paris and Nicole. You're my BFF.

xoxo,

-K

A whole lot of nothing

There is so much ruminating within, yet every time I set my fingers upon the keypad to release...I can't.

Live Simply

Was perusing through the shops on the North Shore today. Went into Patagonia to kill time and fell in love with a shirt. On the front it said "Live Simply". There was a picture of a birdcage with the cage door open.

I looked at the price tag. It was a $30 T-shirt. I decided to "live simply" without it.

Turn the light out say goodnight
no thinking for a little while
lets not try to figure out everything at once
It’s hard to keep track of you falling through the sky
we’re half-awake in a fake empire
we’re half-awake in a fake empire
-Fake Empire by The National

Latent Lesson #?

My mother will not love me no matter what. I know this because she tells me so. She reminds me, her tone heavy with reproach.

My mother has always made it very clear to me: love is something to be earned.

But that is....FALSE!!!!!

It's important to understand that true love does not center around being good enough...deserving. Plenty of undeserving people are loved...loved by other people and by God. Jesus did not sacrifice himself for anyone who deserved it. He did not decide to love me because I was good.

I wish the weight of these words would have registered sooner. I wish my mother had never said such things to me. Does she tell me these things because she is fearful I will do something atrocious? Does my mother believe she is loved?